Dear Mr Toastmaster,
We felt compelled to contact you following your toastmaster services at our daughter’s wedding last Saturday.
Admittedly, she is an unusually buxom girl but your advice to the groom of, “go on my son, take her off and sort her out … otherwise I will” was not really necessary.
We expected the best man’s speech to be near the knuckle but some of your remarks made him seem like Mother Theresa.
We, of course, expected you to have a drink or two over the course of the day but never imagined that you would account for almost half of our final bar bill.
Finally, asking the lead bridesmaid to sit on your lap and play ‘bouncy castles’ was not well received. Your explanation that the vigorous fumbling in your pockets was because you were looking for your car keys was, frankly, hard to believe.
All in all, we feel you did not do credit to the image of a wedding toastmaster and we now regret that we did not hire William Freeman, wedding toastmaster par excellence, member of the British Toastmaster Circle and finalist in the UK wedding awards 2016.